IKEA
by Adrelaide
Summary: "Isabelle." Jace turned to face her dramatically, his golden eyes wide. "No prank is worth listening to my own brother getting screwed against a door." Set during COFA. The Lightwood siblings are out to redecorate a certain warlock's apartment in revenge. Poor Alec's sent to run interference when Magnus shows up a bit earlier then expected. Malec.


**IKEA.**

"Izzy, we shouldn't be doing this." Alec murmured, eying the crowded walls of the store warily. The word **'IKEA'** seemed to be posted everywhere, on the white furniture, the walls, even on the little, multicolored accessories that dotted every available inch of space imaginable. He felt out of place in the large building, dressed in his standard black shirt and jeans, like an ink stain on a otherwise pristine white piece of paper.

Isabelle, in a tight black jacket and a swirling white skirt, was carrying a shopping bag full of Raziel knows what. Her dark hair flowed freely down her back, her Marks glamoured as she chatted with the fourth sales associate that had come to them. They had all been male, all looking at Isabelle in ways that made Alec want to pull out the knife in his boot and throw it at them.

"Don't be silly Alec." Isabelle chided lightly, waving goodbye to the employee with a suspicious slip of paper in her hand. "We both agreed on this before coming out here. There's no way I'm going to let this opportunity pass us by!" She looked at her brother, her expression fierce. "You said that Magnus dated that vampire, right? And that she's back in town? Weird if you ask me. Bad weird." Alec scoffed, looking away and studying a bright orange bunk bed set that nearly burned a hole in his retinas.

"Magnus wouldn't do anything with her. You're just mad that he threatened to make you fat because of those postcards you sent us." Alec argued, and Isabelle turned to face Alec completely, her hands on her hips.

"Yes, I am mad about that. And you're mad that you missed out on the opera. Correction: missed out on sexing Magnus in your private balcony seats." Isabelle lifted a brow when Alec's face darkened a few shades. "Only to come back and deal with...all of this." She paused, and Alec looked at her. Isabelle's eyes were distant. Alec stepped forward, resting his hand on her shoulder. Isabelle met his gaze briefly, before flashing him a smile and continuing to strut down the hallway of furniture. "Besides, aren't you mad that he never bothered to tell you about her? Or anything in general about him?"

"Of course I am. Who wouldn't be?" He muttered sullenly. Isabelle smiled at him serenely, the look in her eyes terrifying.

"Which is why you agreed to help me redecorate his loft, right?" Alec nodded his head with a sigh, grunting when Isabelle shoved her bag of mysteries into his arms.

"Good! Carry this then."

* * *

"Alright!" Isabelle set down the bag of hardware down on the large collection of boxes filling the center of Magnus' loft. "Jace, get the tarp, we'll start with the paint, Alec you can work on putting the furniture together." Alec glared at the collection of boxes. After an afternoon spent shopping with Isabelle, he was officially an enemy to all things **IKEA**.

"I don't know how to put together mundane furniture. Not to mention the wood's cheap and-" Jace, who loved any opportunity to piss off Magnus, slung an arm around his _parabatai_'s shoulder comfortingly.

"Relax. Clary said that there are picture instructions. You just need to follow them." He promised, reaching for the first box. "Here, I'll even help you. Izzy is such a perfectionist that she'll need to paint everything on her own anyways." Jace and Alec glanced over to where Isabelle was slathering fuchsia paint over Magnus' walls without a care for neatness. "…Anyways…" He paused when Alec's pocket suddenly started singing.

"_Glitter on the mattress…glitter on the highway…glitter on the front porch…glitter on the hallway…_" Isabelle and Jace stared at Alec's pocket with an expression of utter confusion, if not a touch of horror in Jace's case. "_The Love Shack~ is a little old place where…we ca-_" Alec panicked, smacking his phone hard through his pocket, silencing the device. He yanked it out, revealing Magnus' flashing name on the screen.

"It's Magnus." He said, to which his siblings gave him a look that personified the words: No shit. He pressed the answer button, putting the phone to his ear. "Hello?" He called out meekly.

"Do you like your new ringtone?" Magnus greeted. Alec could hear the laughter in his voice. "I changed it earlier. I thought you might find it funny." Alec fidgeted, looking over to see that Jace and Isabelle were still staring at him.

"I guess." He answered awkwardly. There was a pause on the other end of the line, before Magnus continued.

"Alec, I know things between us have been…stressed since we came back from Vienna. I want us to have a little date later tonight. Nothing fancy, just a stay home and relax sort of thing. The kind of thing you enjoy." Alec ran a hand through his hair, looking around the cluttered loft with worry.

"When did you want to meet up?" He asked, practically hearing the smile in Magnus' reply.

"Well, I'm right outside my door right now, so feel free to come over whenever you like." Alec's eyes grew wide.

"Oh shit." He answered, before punching the "End Call" button. Jace and Isabelle were staring at him with concern. "He's right outside!" He told them, panic lacing his words. Jace looked mildly surprised, while Isabelle's eyes hardened with determination.

"Go outside and distract him then!" She hissed, pointing at the door. She wasn't about to have her plans ruined. Alec looked at her in confusion.

"Distract?" He repeated, jumping when Isabelle stomped her foot, her heel snapping loudly against the floor.

"GO." Alec ran to the door, opening it and peering down to see Magnus walking up the stairs. Magnus paused when he saw the Shadowhunter. He was wearing a bright blue vest over a silver-pin-striped shirt, his pants matching the material of the vest easily. Alec didn't have time to wonder where Magnus found his clothes, the warlock had said he'd be out making house calls today, and Alec hadn't expected him to get home so early.

"Alec…?" Magnus called out. Alec stepped out of the loft, yanking the door closed behind him with enough force to make the door rock. The warlock stared at him, finishing the climb up to his landing. "Is something wrong?" Magnus asked, earning a nervous laugh from Alec.

"Wrong? Like what?" Alec replied, his fingers gripping the door knob of Magnus' loft tightly. Magnus tilted his head to the side, studying Alec for a long moment.

"You're acting like Hell's going to pour from my door any second now." Magnus stepped forward, placing a hand on Alec's cheek. He kissed the Shadowhunter sweetly in greeting, pulling away when Alec sputtered against his lips. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming over?"

"Well, uh, I-um-you see…?" Alec managed weakly, glancing back at the door. Magnus looked down at the Shadowhunter, shaking his head.

"Who else is in there?" He asked, a touch of suspicion, if not disappointment, in his voice.

"No one!" Alec squeaked, pressing back against the loft door, barring Magnus' entrance. "No one's inside and-"

"Alexander, you're a horrible liar." Magnus told the Shadowhunter, thoroughly annoyed. He stepped forward, placing a hand on the door. "You're acting like you dragged a prostitute home to screw them in our bed."

Alec tried for some sort of excuse, something flawless that Jace could of said in a heartbeat. All he got was "Why would I need one? I have you." Apparently this was good enough, because Magnus grinned and kissed him again. Alec had a moment of clear thought, revolving around the fact that Isabelle and Jace were just on the other side of the door, before Magnus' tongue ran along the seam of his mouth, and his heart thudded in his ears. He opened his mouth, and Magnus pushed him flush against the wood, his hands under Alec's shirt. Magnus pulled back for a moment, staring into Alec's dazed eyes.

"I thought you were mad at me." He murmured, brushing his thumb against Alec's cheek. Alec let out a shaky breath, picturing Isabelle and Jace inside the loft, doing Angel knows what.

"I am." He admitted, watching confusion spread over Magnus' face. "But, I don't want to be." He added, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Magnus' hair, pulling him closer. The warlock grinned at him, kissing Alec gently.

"I'll have to fix that, won't I?" The warlock replied, moving to nip at Alec's neck, his mouth brushing against the Shadowhunter's collarbone as he dropped to his knees in front of him, tugging at the front of his boyfriend's jeans. Alec made a choking sound, earning a curious look from Magnus. "What's wrong?" Magnus' fingers paused on Alec's zipper.

_My brother and sister are sabotaging your apartment on the other side of this door._ "Nothing." Alec said meekly, closing his eyes.

"Worried someone might come by?" Magnus asked, standing up and placing his hand on the door. He smirked at Alec. "Want to move to my bedroom?" Panic bloomed in Alec's eyes and he grabbed at Magnus' jacket, yanking the warlock forward until their lips crashed together.

"No!" Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' neck. "Here. I want to do it here." Magnus looked amused, shrugging and dropping back down onto his knees. His hands ran against Alec's ribs, causing the Shadowhunter to shudder and fall back against the door with a thump. He felt Magnus unzipping his pants, the warlock's warm fingers wrapping around his half-erect member. "Oh, fuck." Alec whimpered when Magnus took him into his mouth, his tongue teasing the Shadowhunter mercilessly. "Magnus..." Alec's hips twitched, his fingers burying into the warlock's hair. Magnus hummed, his hands on the Shadowhunter's hips to stop any instinctive thrusting. Alec inhaled sharply, tugging on Magnus' hair. "Fuck, Magnus." He groaned, trying to stop from choking his boyfriend. He was trembling by the time Magnus' lips left his erection, the warlock turning the Shadowhunter around the face the door after a brief peck on the lips.

"Put your hands on the door." Magnus ordered lowly, and Alec complied. His scrambled mind coherent enough to remember who was beyond that door.

He hoped that Jace and Isabelle couldn't hear them. He cried out when Magnus slid his finger in, cold with lube. There was no way that Jace and Isabelle hadn't heard that. No way at all. He began to panic, his breathing quick and uneven.

"Alec, relax." Magnus said, his free hand gripping Alec's hip, his thumb gentle against the soft skin of the Shadowhunter's back. The Shadowhunter couldn't, not until Magnus leaned down and started kissing at his shoulder blades. Alec melted, leaning against the door for support as Magnus stretched him. He shivered when Magnus' fingers left, groaning when something else entered him. Magnus waited longed enough for Alec to fully form an idea on just how he could avoiding speaking to his siblings forever, before sliding out and thrusting his hips forward. Alec grunted, his elbows hitting the door as Magnus reached around to jerk him off.

"Magnus!" Alec moaned, before turning his face into his sleeve and biting down. He heard Magnus chuckle against his ear.

"What's the matter? Don't want to get caught by the neighbors?" Magnus teased, his hips moving rougher, the door rattling with every thrust. Alec shook his head, gritting his teeth against his sleeve. Magnus laughed, suddenly slowing down to the point that Alec could feel every inch as it entered and left him. The warlock's hand was moving just as slowly, and Alec growled in frustration, jerking his hips in protest. "Oh?" Alec seethed at the mock innocence in Magnus' voice. "Did you want something, Alec?" Alec spat out his sleeve in frustration, turning his head to look at Magnus.

"Harder." He said lowly, mindful of the fact that Jace was probably screaming into a throw pillow in the room over. Magnus tilted his head to the side, his golden eyes narrowing playfully. If the warlock hadn't looked like the perfect image of sex then and there, Alec would have kicked him.

"What was that?" He asked politely, his hips still continuing their slow pace. Alec nearly screamed.

"Harder." He muttered just a bit louder. Magnus pouted, giving the Shadowhunter a rough thrust that brushed against his prostate. Alec felt the words tumble out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Yes! Fuck me harder!" Shame gave way to pleasure the second Magnus continued, the door rattling loudly as Alec came yelling out Magnus' name. A few moments later Magnus' fingers dug into his hips, and the warlock groaned. Magnus pulled out, letting Alec sag to his knees against the door. Alec blinked at the flash of white in the corner of his eye, before he took the handkerchief Magnus offered him, wiping at the mess on his body before glancing up at the warlock. Magnus was an immaculately dressed as ever, the only sign that they'd made love being the heated glint in the warlock's eyes. Damn magic.

"Shall we go inside and greet our guests?" Magnus asked after giving Alec a moment to pull his pants on. Alec took a shaky step back.

"I think I'd rather do die in a hole. Thank you, though." The warlock hummed, snapping his fingers with one hand, the other going to grip Alec's wrist. The door opened of its own accord, and inside in the living room were Isabelle and Jace. Isabelle was dutifully adding dashes of paint to the walls while Jace sat huddled on the couch, his hands covering his ears. Alec felt sympathy and shame surge to unimaginable heights.

"I didn't think it was possible to cross a line with me." Jace announced to no one in particular, refusing to looked at his brother and Magnus. Isabelle made a show of flipping her hair over her shoulder, tutting at Jace.

"All according to my plan." Isabelle stated calmly, setting her paintbrush down and resting her hands on her hips.

"Isabelle." Jace turned to face her dramatically, his golden eyes wide. "No prank is worth listening to my own brother getting screwed against a door." Alec made a noise that sounded vaguely like a cat being tossed in a vat of ice water.

"What were you thinking?" He shouted, burying face in his hands. "That's just-Izzy, why?" Magnus made a soothing noise in the back of his throat, pulling Alec closer.

"It's okay. I'm sure the two of them are just as mentally scarred as you are." The warlock said, glancing over when Isabelle laughed. The girl pulled a pair of soft foam ear plugs from her ears.

"I win." Magnus lifted a brow, before looking around the room.

"Today, maybe. Though I like what you did with the fuchsia." He nodded at the splatters of paint tossed across his ceiling, stray splotches dripping onto the floor. "Gives the place character." Alec was still shaking his head, muttering to himself.

"I can never go home. If mom and dad were to find out-"

"Of course they won't find out." Isabelle cut him off, walking over to the pair. "Like I'd tattle, and the most Jace is going to do is crawl into Clary's bed later and cry about it." Jace was nodding his head, still huddling on the couch. "Now, shoo. Go find a hotel or something, I'm not done here yet."

"You're kicking me out of my own house?" Magnus asked, looking only slightly annoyed by this. "And here I was going to screw your brother on the couch like I did the other night." The warlock had the sweet pleasure of watching Jace jump off the couch, brushing at his clothes like he was being attacked by a swarm of ants. Alec was still murmuring to himself under his breath, looking as though he might collapse at any second. Magnus took notice of this and sighed, turning his boyfriend to face the door. Getting away from the loft for a while might do Alec some good at any rate. "Be done before eight or the Chairman will start licking the paint off the walls in hunger." He added, herding Alec towards the door.

"Magnus…" Alec began, looking as through he didn't whether to cry or punch the warlock. Magnus leaned down to kiss Alec's cheek.

"Don't worry, Alec. I've been meaning to show you this nice hotel in Upper Manhattan. Remember the one I told you about in Paris? The one with the vibrating bed?"

Alec settled for punching him.

* * *

A/N: Say it with me! School is evil! I have two exams that I'm supposed to be studying for, but nope, here I am, posting this for you as an apology for not being more active. I'm writing in bursts whenever I can, so let's hope for another update soon!

Also, the ringtone Magnus set Alec's phone to was _Loveshack_ by the B-52s.


End file.
